My birthday present finally happened. I got my tattoo and I absolutely love it❤
I feel like all I do on here is complain.
Right now life is pretty shitty. I got fired from Dunkin Donuts because I couldn’t come into work because I was throwing up from new medication (which my doctor was more than happy to give an excuse for) but couldn’t find my own replacement. Find your own damn replacement, you’re a company for damn sakes. So basically I got fired for medical reasons. Wonder if I could sue. Because that would surely help. My bank account is currently – $855. Eight hundred and fifty-five dollars, people. I can barely comprehend the number. It’s mostly fees from being in the negatives and returned payments from recurring payments I had set up and wasn’t able to cancel in time. I don’t even know how to begin to fix that problem. Then of course there’s all the bills we’re at least a month behind on. My car is probably going to be repossessed. The rent hasn’t been paid for this month so we’ll probably get kicked out. I may not be able to start school this summer because I haven’t received some important paperwork in the mail yet to get my loan. And then I may not be able to go to school at all because how the fuck am I supposed to pay on my loan? It doesn’t end there.
All I want to do is cry.
Brad (I love him but the fucker needs to start doing shit to make money too) suggested I try camming to make money so I applied to a website and should be hearing back from them soon. I also started back up again with extra lunch money to make videos and take pictures and sell them to try and make money as well. I’m working on getting a job as an aide again because it makes more money. Hopefully my back can handle it. Until then I’ve applied for unemployment and hopefully I get it.
The only positive thing is that I started a makeup channel on YouTube to try and have a little fun with. Maybe it’ll become famous one day.
Besides that life sucks at the moment. Here’s to hoping it gets better soon
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You’re my best friend.
Seriously. Some days I really want to talk to someone about the things going on in my life but I don’t really have anyone to talk to. Brad knows but doesn’t like to talk, plus there are things I’ve been thinking lately I can’t talk to him about. Morgan knows some, but I feel like it’s too deep for the type of relationship we have going on. She’s probably not ready for all my crazy. And then there isn’t anybody else, really. Sarah from work, but she’s even further on the scale down from Morgan. So I guess I’ll just keep talking here. At least it makes me feel a little better
to my last post I talked to my mother. She’s going to do permanent guardianship over Tasselin and raise her from now on. She has an appointment with a lawyer on Thursday to get the paperwork together for it. So I guess this is real. I’m (technically) not a mother anymore.
I want to give my daughter up. I don’t want to be in charge of another life right now. I’m not responsible enough or this. I can’t handle it. I can’t do it. I don’t want her. I want to give her up.
I want a baby.
I know it’s weird and it’s unreasonable and it’s ‘not the right time’ and blah blah blah. But I can’t help it. I want one so badly I’m about five seconds away from stealing one.
I want a baby.
Brad doesn’t, ‘right now’ he says. I think he’s scared. I know he’s right about not being able to afford it, but I think we could make it work. He says maybe when I get better. Like that’s really a thing that might happen. I’m worried it won’t and we’ll never have a family.
I want a baby.
I need a baby.
I’m going crazy.
So you’ve heard about my life, now here’s a small update on just me.
●Finally got my wedding pictures bought thanks to tax returns. They’re gorgeous by the way. I made three photo albums of them: one for us and one for each of our parents. I also printed extras to hang around the house and anything left over will eventually be made into a scrapbook
●I got my nose pierced. It’s not something I’ve always wanted to do (unlike a tattoo which I still haven’t gotten), but it was cheap and easy so I got it done. Right now I still have the starter stud which happens to be small and blue. It’s on my right nostril and I think I pull it off pretty nicely
I’m, again, still recovering but I think this time I might be able to make it