Next week is Brad’s last pay from his unemployment. He had no job and no lead for a job. He claims to be looking often and applying, but when I ask him it’s always been at least two days ago since he’s looked. Who knows if he’s really applying to things. And the only website he’s using is Monster even though I’ve told him plenty of times to check Indeed and Craigslist and anything else he can think of. I’ve got to say, I’m starting to have panic attacks about how we’re going to pay the bills and where we’re going to live and how we’re going to get through this. It doesn’t seem to be bothering him. I don’t know what to do.
Recently I’ve decided with my focusing on me plan that I want to be a little more spiritual than I currently am. I feel it might help me get more attune to myself. I have beliefs currently but they’re not tied to anything specific so I decided to read up on a few different religions to see if my beliefs correspond with any of them. I’ve known Christianity my whole life and never believed in it so I needed to start elsewhere. I read a book on Buddhism and liked it but didn’t feel completely connected. So I moved on to a book of Wicca and even though I’m only halfway through the book I feel incredibly connected to this particular religion. They believe in rebirth like myself and feel connected to nature like I always have. I’m actually excited to finish the book and read more about it, which I have to say is the first time I’ve ever felt this way towards a religion. I still plan on reading about other religions like Hinduism and Taoism and so forth to make sure, but I may have landed on my perfect spiritual match.
I am crushing so hard right now on a friend of mine and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. I’m afraid I may be in love
So recently, with all the other things going on in life, I’ve been having some trouble with my husband. Some days it feels like we’re drifting apart a little bit. Most days he just wants to sit around and play his video games. He doesn’t want to help around the house or do anything with me. And most days I’ve been letting him get away with it because I don’t want to rock the boat. But recently I just really hate it. We don’t do things together. We don’t spend time together. We don’t kiss as much or have sex as often. He doesn’t make the effort in this relationship half as much as he used to. And it bothers me. He also doesn’t have any interest in working because ‘unemployment is too good’. He doesn’t have any aspirations or want to strive to do anything. He seems to have given up on moving this year. He doesn’t help with the bills. So on and so forth. And it’s troublesome. Ive talked to him about it but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I’ve told my therapist about all this and she’s suggested that we might want to separate for a while because maybe he’ll start doing things if he knows I’m serious about the relationship and I won’t take any of his bullshit. But I’m afraid. What if he doesn’t fight for me? Can I really handle things on my own? Should I really try this? I don’t know anymore
It’s been over a month since the last time I posted and even though nothing really happened, lots of things happened.
Everything had been going downhill lately, honestly. We were in a lot of debt, threatening to get kicked out of our apartment as well as my car getting repossessed, we were both unemployed among other things. But then I made a friend on Reddit who very nicely gave me the money to not get my car repossessed (which when I told him I wouldn’t move in with him he hated me and tried to sabotage me on Reddit until I blocked and reported him). Brad and I scraped together some money to get the rent sent out, to not get our phones turned off, and to keep one account from going into collections. And then I worked at the American Legion with Brad a couple nights. I got a job back again with MedSave making more money. Brad got part time work through the American Legion and also a construction company owned by the guy now running the Legion. We’re catching up on bills. Brad seems a little happier with a job and probably the therapy. My medicine and therapy seems to be working a little bit too. Things are really starting to look up.
Obviously we still have a lot to do and a lot of catching up to work on, but I think maybe we can do this.