Time to Move

Thanks to Brad’s lack of income and my work barely scheduling me, we have to move out of our apartment because we can’t afford rent. And because we can’t really afford anything Brad and I are moving in with his mother. I’m not sure I’m okay with this at all, but what other choice do we have at the moment? Not that I have anything against his mother, but I really don’t want to be 24 and living with my mother in law. We have three weeks to pack all our shit, find a storage unit, and move all of our crap. Wish us lots of luck

Time’s Up

Next week is Brad’s last pay from his unemployment. He had no job and no lead for a job. He claims to be looking often and applying, but when I ask him it’s always been at least two days ago since he’s looked. Who knows if he’s really applying to things. And the only website he’s using is Monster even though I’ve told him plenty of times to check Indeed and Craigslist and anything else he can think of. I’ve got to say, I’m starting to have panic attacks about how we’re going to pay the bills and where we’re going to live and how we’re going to get through this. It doesn’t seem to be bothering him. I don’t know what to do.

Recently I’ve decided with my focusing on me plan that I want to be a little more spiritual than I currently am. I feel it might help me get more attune to myself. I have beliefs currently but they’re not tied to anything specific so I decided to read up on a few different religions to see if my beliefs correspond with any of them. I’ve known Christianity my whole life and never believed in it so I needed to start elsewhere. I read a book on Buddhism and liked it but didn’t feel completely connected. So I moved on to a book of Wicca and even though I’m only halfway through the book I feel incredibly connected to this particular religion. They believe in rebirth like myself and feel connected to nature like I always have. I’m actually excited to finish the book and read more about it, which I have to say is the first time I’ve ever felt this way towards a religion. I still plan on reading about other religions like Hinduism and Taoism and so forth to make sure, but I may have landed on my perfect spiritual match.

As it happens, I’ve been having a lot of thoughts about having more children recently. This of course has always been a goal in my life and even though I know we can’t afford it right now I can’t help but think about it. I’ve been trying to stifle the thoughts and feelings, specifically because I know Brad isn’t quite there and we can’t afford them but Brad’s mother has been constantly questioning Brad about when we’re having kids. It isn’t helping me. On the contrary, it’s making it very very hard for me. She keeps bringing up so I keep thinking about it and tonight I’m crying over the thought. I need to find a way to purify my mind of these thoughts until we’re more ready and I need help doing so because I can’t keep going on like this.

So last night I spent a few too many hours crying over nothing and over myself and things I can’t stand about me and my life. I spent a little time talking to a friend about it via text and realized something just has to change. So this morning I did a little research on my codependency and how to focus on oneself and I decided to try that. I need to stop pleasing everyone around me, stop saying sorry for everything, start saying no to things, stand up for myself, focus on me, figure out what makes me happy. I have literally no idea how to do that and I’m terrified, honestly, but I know that it’s the right thing to do. So I’m going to try it and hope for the best. Time to focus on me.

Oh, Goodness

I am crushing so hard right now on a friend of mine and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. I’m afraid I may be in love

Husband Problems

So recently, with all the other things going on in life, I’ve been having some trouble with my husband. Some days it feels like we’re drifting apart a little bit. Most days he just wants to sit around and play his video games. He doesn’t want to help around the house or do anything with me. And most days I’ve been letting him get away with it because I don’t want to rock the boat. But recently I just really hate it. We don’t do things together. We don’t spend time together. We don’t kiss as much or have sex as often. He doesn’t make the effort in this relationship half as much as he used to. And it bothers me. He also doesn’t have any interest in working because ‘unemployment is too good’. He doesn’t have any aspirations or want to strive to do anything. He seems to have given up on moving this year. He doesn’t help with the bills. So on and so forth. And it’s troublesome. Ive talked to him about it but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I’ve told my therapist about all this and she’s suggested that we might want to separate for a while because maybe he’ll start doing things if he knows I’m serious about the relationship and I won’t take any of his bullshit. But I’m afraid. What if he doesn’t fight for me? Can I really handle things on my own? Should I really try this? I don’t know anymore